I know you probably read that title and thought “is that really possible?” The answer is Yes! Everyone lives a busy life especially if you have kids still in the home, but let us be very clear and direct (in love of course) in that WHATEVER you prioritize, you protect. Another way of saying this is, you make time, energy, and money for what matters most to you. Regardless of your lifestyle, stage of life, or performance level, if you want a great relationship, you must prioritize it and in order to prioritize it, you have to protect it. Using our proven method, you can connect with your spouse in 15 minutes or less every day! Make this time non-negotiable and watch the returns roll in!
When to Connect
Just like everything else in the world, timing matters. You need to pick the best and most uninterrupted 15 minutes you and your spouse can find. For some this is early in the morning over coffee and for others this is in the evening after the kids have gone to bed. If you work from home or can be in-person during lunch time, then that works, too!
When deciding when to have this 15 minutes together, you need to be able to be in person. Long distance travel is the only exception to this rule which for the most part is not full time for many of you. Military families can still use this method during their communication time. Whether over the phone, a letter, zoom, or face to face, you need to be able to give each other your undivided attention - turn off the tv/music, put your phone on “do not disturb” and physically out of your reach, and choose a comfortable place.
Days are full and schedules are demanding; we get it. Put your “connect time” on your shared calendar. If you need to put it in your work calendar so that you are even less likely to be interrupted or even forget, do it. You know what you need to do to make sure this time is protected.
How to Connect
In your 15 minutes together, you are going to make sure you and your partner are touching. Then, you are going to take turns sharing 2 emotions that you felt that day and why. We call this "SASHE" (pronounced sashay) in our house as an acronym to help get your brain thinking emotively. To be abundantly clear, this is NOT the time to solve anything. You are simply sharing and listening. If conflict boils, you need to stop immediately and restart.
Remember that SASHE gives you a guide to some emotions that you may share but you can use any emotion. Check out our EMOTIONS EMOJI CHART for more emotions. If your spouse shares a negative emotion, that is ok. We all feel positive and negative emotions and allowing our spouse to share the good and the not so good breeds trust and emotional security.
The Result of Connecting
This may feel awkward and you may not get it right every time at the beginning. The more you practice, the most natural it will feel to share your emotions with your spouse. This will continue to build trust, emotional security, and intimacy in your relationship which are all foundational ingredients for a great and lasting relationship.
When you connect with your spouse in 15 minutes or less daily, you put a pause on the world and it’s a time that is all about you and your spouse. We have heard from couples that implemented this practice into their lives that their communication, intimacy (emotionally and physically … ayyye ohh), conflict resolution and conflict frequency have all seen major improvements. The truth is that we can either let our lifestyle become our excuse for why we are not prioritizing our marriage OR we can choose to prioritize our marriage and enjoy our lifestyle. We choose the ladder; we choose our team. What will you choose?